All submissives want to be the best sub possible. And to achieve that, it’s necessary, among other things, to learn from those who are more experienced, but also from oneself.
I’m the kind of sub who takes their role very seriously. I hate failing and commiting mistakes. Because of the disappointment this can cause on my Mistress, but also on my self. I have felt submissive since a young age and I actually believe I will always be submissive. And, in my opinion, someone like me can’t commit certain mistakes.
A recent event made me realise that I have issues with self-control during moments in which my feelings become overwhelming.
I won’t go into detail, but I commited the stupid mistake of abruptly stopping a play time I was having with Mistress on my own, because an outside event put me in tension and I ended up getting very upset and frustrated. That’s wrong, but the way I did it, which was definitely not the right one, makes it even worse. I should have used a safe word, but I didn’t.
That’s just unacceptable…
So, I believe it’s safe to say that I’m prone to struggle with staying on my place if I get considerably upset during a play time or session.
This is clearly a problem. It can cause trust issues and more unwanted problems in a D/S relationship. And if I want to be the best sub, I need to change that. Plus, this happening makes me feel awful. Really awful.
Changing this behaviour will not be easy. But it’s definitely possible, because my goal as a sub is very clear: to be the best sub possible and make sure my Mistress is always proud of me. And because I’m willing to do whatever is necessary to achieve it.